Energy drain can be a touchy subject to bring up with your partner. Here are some common types of emotional vampires in the romantic arena and how to deal with them clearly and effectively:. Their comments include the following: They can be so persistent that you feel pressured and drained. How To Protect Yourself: Set clear limits with your mate in a kind, but firm tone. Please back off a little. You may need to practice limit setting for a while to change this pattern.
The world is always against them, and this is the reason for their unhappiness. You want to help, but his or her tales of woe overwhelm you. How to Protect Yourself: You can sympathize and listen briefly.
Holding back, fixating on performance, or letting your mind drift is the end of passion. What is true sexual energy? I define it as proudly claiming your erotic self and mindfully channeling sexual energy. You never use it to hurt, manipulate, make conquests, or get addicted to the ego trip of sensual pleasure at the expense of others. This is bad karma. Nor do you allow others to harm or disrespect you.
You also make electric linkages to your body, to spirit, to a lover, to the universe. Too many of us in this heady, frantic world lack the rich experience of having a primal connection with someone. Sexual energy can offer us this, a satisfaction you can never get from your intellect alone. Be happy with every bit of progress. Here are some general tips to keep in mind to improve your sexual energy. When I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is meditate. I want to connect to myself, to every ounce of spiritual energy, heart energy, and erotic energy in me.
Meditating in this way fortifies me and lets me be fully present. Being in touch with my sexual self is part of being present, along with being analytical or being kind or listening to the angels sing. Sexual power is not compartmentalized away from the rest of you. So, to begin the day, I offer thanks for every aspect of me, then proceed into the great unknown of the hours ahead. Free Enlightened Living Course: How can you ignite sexuality and have more intense orgasms? What makes a good lover? What are the common killers of passion?
Do you fear intimacy or do you fake orgasms? What is the difference between healthy bonding and overly attaching to a partner? Are you a sex addict? Do you lose your center around sexual energy or obsess about lovers? Do you resist pleasure? Surrendering becomes easier when you trust your partner. There are no limits to where ecstasy can take you as your sexual energy allows you to deeply connect to yourself and a partner.
Nature has cleverly wired us to be rewarded with erotic excitement when we perpetuate the species. The bliss of orgasm is the catnip that motivates us to reproduce. Our choice of a partner is strongly influenced by our biological programming.
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Science has identified several: Interestingly, when women ovulate, they produce copulins, a scent that attracts men causing their testosterone to rise. Our drive to procreate trumps most other human instincts. The power of this primal consciousness commands respect and awe. This makes the difference between pure physical sex and lovemaking. Emotional intimacy comes from affection, from sharing feelings, from being vulnerable.
As friends and lovers, you are fundamentally there for each other which creates trust. You see each other as real people, the good and the bad, not some idealized version.
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Bring your fears and insecurities to a partner in an undefended way. When you share all parts of yourself, even your secrets, you can truly surrender. In the short run it may seem like less trouble to avoid conflict but your erotic life pays a price. When you habitually hide your feelings, you waste time and opportunities for closeness. If you stay open, however, your emotional love will enhance your sensual love. When they get close to a partner they start feeling overwhelmed and turn off. Surrendering to love feels terrifying to him. Such people have never learned that communication can safely bring you closer to someone than even a sexual energy exchange.
Thus, so as not to stir up the beast, they must keep a safe distance from true intimacy which casual uncommitted sex allows. Take my patient Roxie who came from an abusive home and grew up a hard-boiled Hollywood street punk. Strong and determined, she made a new life for herself and built a successful sexy lingerie company. At thirty-five, Roxie was an engaging mix of street-smart, hip, and funny. We keep it fun and light. Getting heavy ruins things. If people are happy with their lives, God bless them. Still, we had to tread gently. Long ago, I learned to work with where a patient is at, then go from there.
It was too threatening. So, first, to ease her loneliness, I encouraged her to explore other forms of intimacy, such as friendships and getting a puppy—animals are master teachers of unconditional love. Then she could work her way toward intimacy with a lover. Roxie found that adoring her shih tzu came more easily than sharing authentic emotions with humans. Now, a year later, Roxie is testing out her new emotional skills with a caring, slightly uptight college English professor—her complete opposite, which lends the perfect balance. She loosens him up; he centers her. Roxie has started to heal the wounds that stopped her from surrendering to a partner.
Intimacy involves surrender, a desire to let go of fear. You and your partner will bravely explore the inner space of emotions together. Sharing emotions—not excessively, but as they naturally come up—is part of the flow.
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Lovemaking is about generosity and giving pleasure to each other. In all these ways, emotional intimacy only makes sex better and is a balm that sustains couples. If you desire more intimacy but resist it, I suggest journaling about your fears. Are you afraid of being hurt? Do you have painful memories of failed intimacies with parents, friends, or others as you grew up?
Often abused children associate love and sex with pain and choose partners who will inflict pain. Our upbringing can shape us. Nevertheless, being aware of your early conditioning will let you compassionately identify areas where you hold back from trust now. If you have a history of abuse, you can heal past and current relationship patterns with therapeutic help.
Sometimes issues are too big to resolve alone. When you feel ready, you can use these steps to free yourself. For instance, experiment with pushing your limits with intimacy, not just a sexual energy exchange. Then address any anxiety that arises to prevent you from surrendering. Or you can get used to sharing love with animals: Embracing intimacy is a gentle process of desensitizing fear and getting rewarded by loving. As you gain more comfort and confidence, you can go on to a romantic partner. It also involves tapping a higher power. Nothing about being human is ever just physical despite what our minds or genitals tell us.
Sexuality and spirit are intimately related.
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When you surrender sexually, you enter an open intuitive state, permitting the force of creation to flow through you, similar to how artists are moved. As a result, you may literally create a new infant life or you may be rebirthed yourself.
During sex, ordinary boundaries fall away and your consciousness is altered. You encounter the bliss of the transcendent. You can intuitively sense things about each other. When you surrender, you are a conduit.
With age, spirituality and subtle energy keep sexual power alive. Passion of the body is kindled by the passion of heaven. Knowing this is the beginning of knowing bliss. Smell, voice, touch, and kissing style all figure in. Technical skills and good hygiene are important as well. But beyond these, here are some characteristics to look for. Photo by iStock Photo. Many naturally wind up in overtly healing professions, such as medicine, psychology, or life coaching. They'll take part in various forms of sacred activism and spend their lives healing the planet, for example, rather than healing people.
I wrote this article to honor the shamanic tradition, not to violate it in any way. Even those who enter the healing professions may feel out of place, because the systems of Western medicine and psychology leave little room for a shaman to practice his or her natural healing art, which may include such unconventional practices as intuitive medicine, ritual, and communication with spirits. Here are some telltale signs that you might fit the shamanic archetype.
We can all feel it, this impending shift that New Agers have talked about for decades. They feel it pulling them, like a magnet, towards leadership positions that help facilitate this transformation of human consciousness and evolution of the species. In indigenous cultures, the village knew who the shaman was because he or she was struck by lightning and survived. In modern culture, you may not literally be struck by lightning, but you may have survived some other life or heart-threatening ordeal. You may have experienced childhood abuse, sexual violence, a near-death experience, or some other trauma that forged you into the healing earth shaman you are becoming.
Shamans are multi-dimensional beings who dance between the realms of the seen and unseen worlds. The shamans of a culture are the bridges between nature and humans. They serve as translators between the mountains, oceans, rivers, animals, and people. You may sense that you're most tuned in when surrounded by the natural world. This may make it hard for you to be out in public, where you may feel accosted by an overstimulation of your senses. As I describe in The Anatomy of a Calling , many health care providers are called to medicine the way priests are called to the priesthood.
It may transmute itself into healing service to animals, sacred activist causes, or conservation of Mother Earth. In modern culture, these shamanic sicknesses may fall into difficult-to-treat categories like chronic fatigue syndrome , fibromyalgia, chronic Lyme disease, chronic pain disorders, and autoimmune disorders. Acceptance of the call to shamanic service often resolves the symptoms of shaman sickness. The unseen realm may be communicating with you through your dreams, so try analyzing them carefully.