Dating 4 years no proposal

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We have flair for men, women, trans folks, and gender neutral people. Whether you are a woman or a man, please do not speak for all women. While men can still offer input, if your view conflicts with a woman's, we ask that you do not downvote or invalidate her response. How long did you "wait" for a proposal from your SO? We started talking marriage around month 6 or 7, got really serious about marriage around month Finally had a conversation where we decided we were engaged no proposal, just wandering the farmer's market talking about the future and decided we were engaged just after our 1 year anniversary.

We're getting married just after our 16 month dating anniversary. I made him wait.

He told me two weeks into our relationship that he was going to ask me to marry him. I made him wait a year because my divorce wasn't even final until three months after our first date. We picked out a ring, made a reservation at a Russian restaurant, and he asked me there. I was hoping for some kind of proposal after 6 years the first 5 of which we were in college, so very not ready to get married. When we got to 7 years, I got sick of no definite plans and pretty much just asked him myself.

I said, "Hey, my birthday next year falls on a Saturday. How about we get married then? Married over 9 years now. We had been together for around 5 years and talked about long term expectations when we finished undergrad. We wanted to live together for a year first and I wanted to be out of grad school. I proposed to my ex and he was really pissed off I'd "stolen" the moment from him.

Said a lot about him to be honest! I don't understand this notion of waiting for a proposal.

Welcome to Reddit,

I feel like marriage is something that requires extensive discussion and complete mutual agreement. I've seen a few of those sappy engagement videos where the person being proposed to is utterly shocked and overwhelmed, and I just can't imagine why it would come as such a surprise to them. I would like to get married to you sometime in the very near future. How long into a relationship before the proposal just isn't coming?

I have seen so many women who are in 7 or 8 year long relationships or longer and they have never married. If they were in high school when they started dating, it's understandable. But some of these people are now in their late 20s or 30s and they're still holding onto hope that a proposal is still coming. From everything I have read, on average, the odds of getting engaged start to drop at the two year mark. Around 3 years, they start to fall more sharply. At the 7 year mark, odds are virtually zero that you will ever get to the altar. I guess the going theory is that if he were certain, he'd have done it.

How long would you spend in a relationship - for those who want marriage and it's non-negotiable - before you called it quits on waiting for a proposal? How long have you spent? Would you ever do that again? I just celebrated my third anniversary yesterday. Marriage has been discussed several times. He claims he's ready but waiting on me.

(Closed) 4 years and no proposal

While I was not certain in the past, I have made it very clear my mind is made up over the last several months. Filling out paperwork for graduate classes? I would be shocked if he made it to a jewelry store. That alone would be impressive! I'm saying this in a tongue-in-cheek way - I have a sense of humor about his procrastination.

I think he may also be projecting some of his own insecurity about getting married onto me. My feeling is that life is too short to spend it on one person for years without progressing to marriage. Some things are non-negotiable. Share Share this post on Digg Del. Hey RiverRunning - You sound pretty frustrated - which is totally understandable. You're hoping for marriage, but it sounds like your guy is definitely dragging his feet. I know lots of other couples in your situation, and I think I understand how you're feeling. After 3 years, it's reasonable that you'd want your relationship to be committed and permanent.

There's something irreplaceable and sacred about vowing to love, honor and cherish each other - for better or for worse - forever. It's not wrong to want that. I didn't catch whether you and your bf are living together. If you are, to be honest, I don't think that improves your chances of getting married. I actually heard a radio show the other day about this, and one of the points that came up is that women tend to see living together as a path to marriage, while men see it as a way of putting marriage off. This may or may not be your situation, and believe me I'm not judging.

Just thought it was worth mentioning. Either way, you probably should have an honest heart-to-heart with your boyfriend about where your relationship is headed. You deserve to know if he's really serious about getting married - and as with anything, actions speak louder than words. Dang, that radio show was good. FYI, I lived with my exH before we got married. Notice I said exH. If your boyfriend won't commit to you, show him the door, he's getting everything he wants without you getting everything you want.

Want to add to the discussion?

Guess who loses in this situation? If he is dragging his feet, he doesnt really want to marry you. Doesnt matter if he procrastinates with everything else. Im sure theres things he does that he wastes no time on at all. I think women place way to much importance on marriage. I felt absolutely no different after I got married. To be fair me and my W had been living together for around 2 years at that point and we shared a bank account. I have a set of friends that were together for 18 years before they got married and they only did it for financial reasons 2 yers later they might be getting a divorce.

My feeling is that not everyone has to be married to be happy. If you are in a committed relationship and vow to each other to hold that above all else what the difference? If he hasn't proposed after 3 years I'm out the door.


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I would leave if you really want to be married and he's dragging his feet. My boyfriend ad I moved in together back in March and ever since then he's been expecting me to be the perfect wife ex. I clean all the dishes, cook all the food, buy all the groceries, and do all the laundry while he comes up with every excuse to put off an engagement.

We used to live together from March to Oct. We moved out and back in with our parents because I went back to school. During the time I was in school just finished earlier this year I told him that we should not move back in together until we were married so he has been well aware of this plan for the last 2 years now. We always spoke about how we were going to get married after a year of being together..

Thank you for those last two paragraphs! That was very helpful because yes, our relationship is different and unique.


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Good luck to you too!!! Does he think that you will want to get married immediately after you get engaged? Perhaps he is thinking of not only the ring costs but then the whole kit and caboodle for the wedding. Just try not to focus on all that other stuff that every one else is doing!

Has he given you any timelines? We have spoken about going to the JOP, but he quickly shuts the conversation down when I ask if this was what we are both committing to. I just want to marry him and be his wife and am not concerned about having a big wedding.

I think if i were to ask, he would get upset with me… I may have pushed the marriage envelope too hard and have to take a step back.

4 years and no proposal

Well, after 4 years and in the process of purchasing a home congrats on that btw! Totally understandable wanting to pay outright. Those are generally a bit less expensive. Since he lives with and gives his parents money, could they agree on a set amount each month to help cover expenses?

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